| in ways i reopened a wound this weekend. i found rickys (my friend who committed suicide) guest book online where ppl wrote after he died...it was so sad reading his dad talking about how much he misses him, reading his little sister say how great of a brother he was...i wanted so bad for him to be here again....but that wish will never be true. i ended up signing the guest book and then that night dreamed that he was still alive, i hate when my mind plays tricks on me. then the next morning i checked my email and i saw that ricky's mom had written me an email...this is what it said... Amy,
May God bless in you
journey here. Nothing in
life worth while is easy.
Ricky shared the joy of
knowing you as a close
friend when you were kids,
as you to shared a
friendship with him. The one
thing in life we can count
on is change, good and bad,
it's what we do with that
change that matters. God is
there for us constantly his
love is never ending. He did
not take Ricky from us, he
was there to recieve him an
guide him home, no matter
what man has taught us,
God's love and guidance goes
beyond what we know. He puts
opurtunities in our path,
but leaves it up to us to
choose,. this I believe is
how we learn. It was Ricky's
time. Though he is not here
in the physical like us, he
is here to help an guide. I
do not agree with the way he
went but God himself was
there to bring him home.
This place is only a trip
for us to learn to meet and
help and touch others lives
as they touch ours. To have
goals and dreams is a gift
God gives you, but it is up
to you to use your strength
to go out and fulfill those
things. If you ever want to
come by and talk, please
feel welcome. May the sun
warm your path and God be
with you always. Enjoy life
Amy, for Time and Love are
the greatest gifts we have
been given, the rest is up
to us. hugs, Laura Herring )
Ricky's mom) that email seriously meant so much to me. i had wanted so bad to talk to her, but was scared to ever go over. rickys not here physically like she said, but i have made alot of choices because of him, esp this summer when i wanted to end everything, he was the only thing that kept me here and i am very thankful for him, i do not know if he is in heaven or not, i do not think suicide sends someone to hell, i just do not know where his heart was. but i know that once i get to heaven and i do not see him there that i will not be upset bc i will only feel joy there and i am going to stop beating myself up trying to figure out if he is in heaven or hell bc i can not change that. i do miss him alot tho. |
